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A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, 'I've lost my grandpa!'
'The cop asked, 'What's he like?'
The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied,
"single malt scotch whiskey and attractive women with nice legs and big boobs!"

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277

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Grandpa is a wise man!

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If you're Old....

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great... I would recommend it very highly.'
The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'
The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?  You know..... The one that's red and has thorns.'
'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?'

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it..'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'


A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor . 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty..'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

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George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian ,Mississippi , was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello,I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed... Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"  George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

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280

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Prime Minister Rudd of Australia:

Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on Wednesday to get out of Australia , as the government targeted radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.

Separately, Rudd angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques.  Quote:
'IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali , we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians.'

'This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom.'

'We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society, learn the language!'

'Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing, political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as your new home, because God is part of our culture.'

'We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us.'

'This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'.'

'If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here. You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted.'


Maybe if we circulate this amongst ourselves, WE will find the courage to start speaking and voicing the same truths.


If you agree, please SEND THIS ON and ON to as many people as you know.

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A Dog's Purpose? (from a 6-year-old)

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker 's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after
Belker's Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ''I know why.''

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

He said,''People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?'' The Six-year-old continued,''Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.''

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282

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A fairy Tale for guys:

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, 'Will you marry me?'  The girl said, 'No!' and the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and windsurfing,  hunted and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The End

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The  day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident  in the Bay Of Fundy Nova Scotia , a man answered his door  to find two grim-faced Mounties.  "We are   sorry sir, but we have some information about your wife", said  one of the   Mounties.
"Tell me!  Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.
The Mounties  looked at each other.. One said, "We have some bad news, some  good  news, and some really great news. Which do you want to  hear first?"  Fearing the  worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news first. 
"The Mountie  said,  "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found  your wife's body in the bay."  "Oh my  God!" exclaimed the  husband.
Swallowing hard, he asked,   "What's the good news?"
The Mountie  continued,    "When we pulled her up, she had 12  twenty-five pound snow crabs and 6 good-size lobsters clinging to  her."
Stunned, the  husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the  great news???"
The Mountie said, "We're  gonna pull her up  again tomorrow."

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284

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WASHINGTON – Federal drug agents won't pursue pot-smoking patients or their sanctioned suppliers in states that allow medical marijuana, under new legal guidelines to be issued Monday by the Obama administration.
The new policy is a significant departure from the Bush administration, which insisted it would continue to enforce federal anti-pot laws regardless of state codes.
News broke this morning about loosening marijuana policies in states that sanction the drug's medicinal uses. First up, Oakland and San Francisco International Airports will let passengers with medical marijuana cards fly while carrying up to eight ounces of pot. The policy has actually been "quietly" in place for a year, and according to reports, hasn't caused any security slowdowns.

Last edited by Mystery Bob (2009-10-19 21:43:38)

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285

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An Italian walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer He told the loan officer that he was going to Italy on business for two weeks, needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank. The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Italian handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Italian poduced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Italian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Italian returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer
said, 'Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very
nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?'
The Italian replied: 'Minga, where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 andexpect it to be there when I return?'

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Subject: Muslim Quarterback

The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.


Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away. ........ KABOOM! He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney. ........ KA-BLOOEY! Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph......... BULLS-EYE!

"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!" So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl. The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

"I don't want to talk to you, the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"

"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts."At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!"

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"

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Mark your calendars folks... next Tuesday,  November 3 is National Slap a Co-Worker Day. The opportunity has come to get some revenge without getting arrested. Hey, it's all in fun.

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"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8.. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=jEjUAnPc2VA#t=20

this is a clever animated sketch about a pigeon... clever

Last edited by Mystery Bob (2009-12-30 21:48:50)

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290

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A man goes out golfing. He is on the second hole when He notices a frog sitting next to the  green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club Away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed The best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?"

The frog replies, "Ribbit  Las Vegas ."" They go to  Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, "What do you think I Should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures what the heck. Boom!  Tons of cash comes sliding back across The table. The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit Kiss Me."He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a Gorgeous girl. "And that is how the girl ended up in my room Elin. So help me God or my name is not Tiger Woods."

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291

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Children Writing About the Ocean.


1)  - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly,  age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age  6)

3) - If you are  surrounded by ocean, you are an island.  If you don't have ocean all  round you, you are incontinent.   (age  7)

4) - Sharks are  ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my  friend any more.   (Kylie, age  6)

5) - A dolphin  breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age  8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a  woman and pots and comes back with crabs.  (Millie, age  6)

7) - When ships  had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when  the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come.  My  brother said they would have been better off eating beans.  (William,  age 7)

8) -  Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like  their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like,  really?   (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby  brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age  6)

10) - Some fish  are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting.  Electric eels can give you a shock.  They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug  themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age  7)

11) - When you  go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small.  (Kevin, age 6)

12)  - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water..  Divers can't go  down alone, so they have to go down on each other.  (Becky, age  8)

13) - On  vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast.  She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass..  (Julie, age 7)

14)  - The ocean is made up of water and fish.  Why the fish don't drown I  don't know.  (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all  about the ocean.  What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom.   (James, age 7)

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If Frank Sinatra still lived and had to fly with Homeland Security around....

http://www.animatronics.org/strangers/strangers.htm

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THE COYOTE PROBLEM: The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to a group of Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting or trapping the predators, these two groups were offering a 'more humane' solution.

What they proposed was for the animals to be captured alive, the males would then be castrated and turned loose again. Thus the population would be controlled. No kidding, this was actually proposed to the Wyoming Wool and Sheep Grower's Association by the Sierra Club and the U.S.F.S.

The ranchers listened to the presentation and then sat there in a sort of dumfound silence, trying to make sense of the amazing proposal they had just heard.

Finally, an old boy in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said, 'Son, I don't think you understand our problem. Those coyotes ain't fuckin' our sheep - they're eatin' 'em!'

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This was an actual Craigslist ad:

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown  Savannah  night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m.  E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head .... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
  ;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life... Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

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WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:
(Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures)


- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be President..
- You can never be pregnant.
- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
- You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- The world is your urinal.
- You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- Same work, more pay.
- Wrinkles add character.
- Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
- People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- One mood all the time.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. - Everything on your face stays its original color.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You only have to shave your face and neck.
- You can play with toys all your life.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
- You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier..

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SOME INTERESTING STUFF


In the 1400's, a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence  we have 'the rule of thumb'

Many  years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden'.. .and thus,  the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The  first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

Every  day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.

Men  can read smaller print than women can; women can hear  better.

Coca-Cola  was originally green. 
 
It is  impossible to lick your elbow.

the state with the highest percentage of people who walk to  work:  Alaska

The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)  The  percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

the cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:  $  16,400

The  average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any  given hour = 61,000

Intelligent  people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.

The   San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National  Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades  - King David
Hearts  - Charlemagne
Clubs  - Alexander, the Great
Diamonds  - Julius Caesar 

111,111,111  x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321 

If  a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both  front legs in the air,
the person died in battle.If the  horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of
wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural  causes

Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4: John Hancock
and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't  added until 5 years later.

Q.  Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of  what?  A...  Their birthplace

Q.  Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A.  Obsession 

Q..  If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would need the letter 'A'?  A.  One thousand 

Q.  What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield  wipers and laser printers have in common?  A..  All were invented by women. 

Q.  What is the only food that doesn't spoil?  A..  Honey 

Q.  Which day are there more collect calls than any other  day of the year?  A.  Father's Day


In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the  mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on.  Hence the phrase...'Goodnight, sleep tight' 

It  was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago  that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father  would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could  drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In  English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.' It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's' 

Many  years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups.  When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!


Don't delete the following just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it:

I  cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I  was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid,  Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it  deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,  the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the first and last  ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? 


YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010, when: 

1.  You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave. 

2.  You haven't played solitaire with real cards in  years. 

3.  You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 

4.  You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to  you.

5.  Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail addresses. 

6.  You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone
is home to help you carry in the  groceries. 
7.  Every commercial on television has a web site at the  bottom of the screen

8.  Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you  didn't even have the first
20 or 30 (or 60) years of  your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around 
to go and get it. 

10.  You get up in the morning and go on line before getting  your coffee.

11.  You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 

12  You're reading this and nodding and  laughing. 

13.  Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to  forward this message. 

14.  You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 

15.  You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. 
~~~~~~~~~~~AND  FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ 

Go ahead and try to lick your elbow.!!

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297

Re: Thread for stuff unrelated to windsurfing

Weather in Europe

Hopefully I am not out of line to expand this non-relevant thread to include non jokes.

We just arrived in Poland by driving from Amsterdam. We previously had only seen ice and snow like this in Canada. Now we have to drive back through Hamburg and have heard that the 2m drifts that had closed the autobahn are now cleared up.

Unbelievable!

Aloha,

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298

Re: Thread for stuff unrelated to windsurfing

Mystery Bob wrote:

It is  impossible to lick your elbow.

Not if you're a dog!

YOU know what I'm talkin' about...

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299

Re: Thread for stuff unrelated to windsurfing

Mystery Bob,

You are a precious resource for HSM's forums, deserving of your own section just for you, but over time I've come to wonder - what in the heck did you do with yourself BEFORE the HSM forum gave you an outlet?

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300

Re: Thread for stuff unrelated to windsurfing

I wish you guys would take back this thread which i never intendd to highjack from The hammer. He took his F1 race thread and made it a home and 'here it was'. Aloha kako (to us all).

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